Building a Personal Safety Plan — Apostolos Stamenos

TL;DR

Write your plan when you have clarity — not during a crisis.
Name 2–3 people who know your situation and how to reach you.
Identify a specific safe location, not a vague category.
Keep a go-bag with ID, medications, cash, and essential contacts accessible.
Define the threshold that triggers leaving — in writing, in advance.
Review and update every three months.

A personal safety plan is not a sign that something bad is about to happen — it is a decision framework you build when you have the clarity to think it through. The point is that when a situation deteriorates, you have already decided what to do, who to call, and where to go. Decisions made under duress are almost always worse than decisions made in advance.

This tutorial is for anyone in a situation where their physical or psychological safety may be at risk — whether from an individual, an institution, or an unfolding crisis. The framework applies to intimate partner situations, workplace conflicts with escalating retaliation, housing crises, and any other context where conditions could change faster than you can plan.

The most common problem with personal safety plans is that they exist at a level of generality that makes them useless under stress. “I’ll call a friend” is not a plan. “I will call Maya at 555-0182, tell her the word ‘umbrella,’ and she will come to the Walgreens at Fifth and Main” is a plan.

Steps

Conduct a specific threat assessment. Write down specifically what you are protecting against. “Something might happen” is not a threat. “My landlord has threatened to change the locks” or “my partner has taken my documents before and may try again” are threats. The plan should be calibrated to actual scenarios, not abstract risk.
Name your safe contacts. Identify 2–3 people who know your situation, know how to reach you if you go quiet, and know what to do if they cannot. Give each of them: your location at any given time (or a regular check-in schedule), a word or phrase that signals you need help without alerting someone nearby, and a fallback contact in case they cannot reach you directly.
Identify a specific safe location. Not “a friend’s place” — a named address. If you had to leave in the next 30 minutes, where would you go? If that location is unavailable, what is the backup? Know whether your destination is accessible without a car, without a phone, or without cash.
Agree on a communication protocol. Establish a check-in schedule with your contacts — if you miss it without warning, that is the signal. Agree on a secure channel (Signal is preferable for sensitive conversations). Have a code word that means “I need help and cannot say so openly.”
Prepare a go-bag. Gather and store in an accessible, non-obvious location: government-issued ID, passport if you have one, list of medications with dosages, three to five days of essential medications if possible, some cash (cards can be tracked or frozen), phone charger, and a written list of important phone numbers (do not rely on a locked phone for this). Update it every six months.
Define your financial threshold. Decide in advance: which accounts you would need to access, which you would freeze, who has authority to act if you cannot. If someone else has access to shared accounts, know the process for securing your portion. Write this down before you need it.
Set a review date. Circumstances change. Add a calendar reminder to review the plan every three months — update contacts, locations, and the go-bag as needed.

Common Mistakes

Making the plan too general. A plan that requires decisions under stress is not a plan. Every element should be a fact, not a category.
Not telling anyone. A plan only you know is a plan that cannot be activated by anyone else. Your contacts need to know it exists and what to do.
Storing the plan where it could be found. Keep it in a location the other party cannot access — a personal cloud account, a trusted contact’s home, a secure note app with a password they do not know.
Skipping the financial piece. Access to money is access to options. Financial control is a common feature of coercive situations; this step is not peripheral.
Treating the plan as permanent. A plan written six months ago with outdated contact information or an old safe location is not a safety net.

Resources

Survival Resources: Crisis — crisis hotlines, shelter resources, immediate safety support
Survival Resources: Legal — legal aid and rights information
Glossary: Coercive control — definition and pattern recognition